The Beginning of Every Answer Begins
with Google...Or Does It?
Becky (11th Grade)
Emmanuel Episcopal Church
Virginia
Beach, VA
April 29, 2007
My
name is Becky Watson, and unfortunately…or fortunately…I haven’t decided yet…I
am not a graduating senior. But I am up here to tell you a little bit about my
faith journey thus far, and how Emmanuel and my life experiences have guided me
up to this point.
After
sitting at my computer for a good period of time trying to decide how to start
this talk, and having no success, I decided to do what we Americans do best…I
Googled it! Although the world famous google.com can provide us with
information on just about every topic, faith was not one of its strong
subjects. The top sites included many definitions of what faith supposedly
means, faith.com- The Ultimate Online Destination for Spirituality, and my
personal favorite, Faith Hill’s Official Website, for all your country music
needs. For once in my life, Google could not give me the answers I was looking
for.
Faith
has always been a topic I have often questioned. My Sunday School teachers
often describe faith as believing in something you can’t necessarily see, but
you know it’s there and you accept it. I, on the other hand, always being the
difficult child, asked why I was supposed to believe in something that no one
could physically prove to me to be 100 percent true. The response to that
question was usually, “Well, you have to have faith”, to which I responded,
well, why? And so the cycle continued, not until the issue was actually
resolved, but usually because we ran out of time in class and needed to go to
the service.
But
still, what is faith? I have often wondered, if ever stopped on the street and
asked what I thought faith meant, what I would say? And even to this day, I
honestly can’t say I would have a valid answer.
My
mother and I have often been in some heated debates about my attendance at
church, and how getting me up on Sunday mornings often results in a silent ride
to church with everyone in the family in a really bad mood. I love this church
and all the awesome people that I have met here, but on a cold Sunday morning
at seven AM, my big warm bed generally looks much more inviting. My mother’s
reasoning behind this lack of motivation I often feel on these particular
mornings is that I have never had my faith tested. But what exactly does that
mean, to have your faith tested?
I
won’t try to hide it, I’m pretty sure I live in a perfect fairy tale world. I
have a mother and a father who were high school sweethearts and are still very
much in love. They are both very successful and extremely intelligent. I like
to think they rubbed off on me just a little. I also have an older sister and a
younger brother, and we’re all healthy thriving children with no major medical
conditions. Of course, we have our occasional fights and disagreements, but for
the most part, we all generally get along. I have a house to live in, plenty of
food to eat, and plenty of extras that I could live without, but choose not to.
I have amazing friends, and I enjoy going to school, for the most part. Like I
said, I live in what most people would consider a perfect world.
But
for those same reasons, I don’t appreciate the little things that people who have
had their faith tested, or who have felt like they hit rock bottom but made it
back up to the top, appreciate and acknowledge on a daily basis.
One
of the most prominent examples of faith I have seen so far in my life is from a
family in this very church. They truly had their faith tested when their three
year old son was diagnosed with a tumor in his abdomen about this time last
year. Despite all the challenges they were up against, the family attended
church every Sunday, and even made announcements every week on his progress so
that everyone in the church could be a part of their journey. Incorporated into
each and every one of these announcements was always a thank you to everyone in
the congregation for keeping them in our prayers. They said they would never
have been able to have the strength to continue through every hard time if they
hadn’t known that people were praying for them and for their son, and most
importantly if they didn’t believe that God had a plan for them, and that he
would see them through to the end. Even through the hardest times, you never
heard them ask God why he was punishing them. They always believed he had a
reason, and they would know it when the time was right.
Here
is a family with unending faith in God and the power of prayer, who made
themselves present at church every Sunday when they could have been at the
hospital with their son, and here I was, complaining about going to church
because I was still tired and wanted to stay in bed. Their situation was very
humbling to me. We take even the small things for granted, such as taking your
dog for a walk on a night when the weather is just right. To this family,
taking a walk meant a time when their son was able to leave the hospital after
being in there for months at a time.
That
is faith in action. It might not have been faith that I experienced with my own
heart, but it was faith that I saw with my eyes so prominently, that it might
as well have been my own. I admire the faith that this family has, and I hope
to be able to have that for myself one day. Preferably without the intensity of
their situation, but God has a plan for me, so I’ll just have to sit back and
let him lead me.
Until
then, I definitely have some faults of my own to work on. I am guilty of what I
refer to as “selective faith.” My faith is strongest when I surround myself
with the amazing friends from our diocese EYC, or the awesome friends I have in
my youth group, and I feel that I truly know God and can feel his power. Yet
when I return to my “other world,” I return to the normal routine of school,
dance, homework, and socializing. God is pushed to the backseat until church on
Sundays or the occasional trips to EYC weekends. I hope to some day be able to
say that I honestly acknowledge God every day, and thank him for the blessings
he surrounds me with daily, big or small. Until then, its just another note on
my list of things to change about myself, but I have faith that that note will
someday be checked off.
So
now after all that, I ask myself once again, what is faith? I believe that
faith is a feeling. You can’t see faith, but you can see acts of faith. Faith
is a seed planted in us while we’re young. In some of us, it blossoms and
thrives, and for others, it always remains that seed. You can’t force faith to
grow, but you can surround yourself by friends and family whose faith has
blossomed, in hopes that maybe it will rub off on you.
After
all this, I still can’t say that I have complete faith, and that I know exactly
what I believe in, but I know where I can find people who will support me
through my journey. So for the last time, what is faith? That is a question you
have to answer for yourself because no one can decide for you. But I do know
where you can find a group of people to support you through your own personal
journey. Look around you. You are
surrounded by them.
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