Spiritual Friendship
Signs of the Spirit
Discuss where you have seen God's Spirit at work this week. How have you experienced grace in a new way through Christian practice? Discuss any joys or struggles you had. How is it with your soul?
Purpose
Because we long for Christ to be formed in us, we make this covenant to tend the fires of our souls so that our longing for Christ may never be extenguished and that our lives will be set ablaze with his love.
Instruction
Most of us have friends with whom we enjoy hanging out, but what takes a friendship to a deeper level? Perhaps two people undergo a difficult situation or trauma together, or on the other side, share such great joy that they are bound to each other. Maybe the friends are compatible and develop a level of trust that enables each to share the deep recesses of their hearts. Other friends may have known each other so long they can finish each other's sentences. Friends are an important and beautiful part of life. Take a minute to discuss great friendships of which you have been a part.
♦ What makes a good friendship?
♦ What do you think of when you hear the words spiritual friendship?
Friends in the Spirit
In the Christian church, there is a long tradition of spiritual friendship as a way to grow closer to God. What is a "spiritual friend"? How is a spiritual friendship different from other close friendships? In any close friendship, two people will share what is most important in their lives: hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns about relationships, as well as details of their everyday lives. In a spiritual friendship two people may also share such things, but in addition there will be a stated focus on each person's relationship with God.
John Wesley used to ask, "How is it with your soul?" That is a good starting point for a spiritual friendship. In spiritual friendship people agree to share about their spiritual lives in a way that encourages each one's growth in God. They might set aside a regular time to talk about what is happening in their prayer lives, how the words of a sermon struck them, or an image that came during a period of silence.
Beginning a Spiritual Friendship
Spiritual friends trust each other and pledge to keep conversations confidential. They practice holy listening and simple joys together. Your goal will be to each know God better and grow on your individual spiritual journeys. Discuss the following questions and write down any insights you have:
♦ Do you think spiritual friendships between young persons can work? Why or why not?
♦ Why is it important to have a special person to whom you can talk about your relationship with God?
♦ Turn to a partner and discuss the following:
I am closest to God when ________
I would describe my spiritual life as ________
My faith is tested by ________
I sometimes wonder if God is calling me to ___________.
Read Luke 1:39-45, then discuss:
♦ What was Mary's relationship to Elizabeth?
♦ Why do you think Mary wanted to go for a visit at that particular time?
♦ Based on this Scripture passage, why do you think spiritual friendship is so important to the life of our faith?
♦ Which close friends recognize blessings in your life and point them out to you?
Rehearsal
Listening With Your Spirit
Spiritual friends may not call it this, but they hear what the other is saying by holy listening. In this way the one who is speaking is heard, understood, and prayed for by the listener. How many friends really listen to you when you talk? How well do you listen when your friends talk? To be a spiritual friend, you must listen well—and you have the freedom to do that because you know that you'll have a chance to be fully heard.
Practice this exercise with a spiritual friend:
Divide into pairs. This process may seem rather scripted, but by practicing your listening skills you will learn to be a spiritual friend. Begin with a minute of silence.
Speaker one has five minutes to talk about "Where do I see God in my life right now?" The listener remains prayerfully silent for these five minutes.
Another minute of silence will give both persons a chance to reflect on how they are feeling.
The second speaker has five minutes to talk about "Where do I see God in my life right now?" The listener remains prayerfully silent for these five minutes.
Take one more minute of silence.
Discuss your answers to these questions with your partner:
♦ How did I feel as a listener? As a speaker?
♦ How was God present in our conversation?
♦ Write about your experience below.
Involving
What kind of ripples might (or have) come about from practicing spiritual friendship? How could your daily routine change by the transformation taking place in your soul? Discuss how you might see all areas of your life—home, school, nature, community, world, job, paying bills, and so forth—connected in a new way based on your spiritual formation journey.
Tomorrow
√ Think of who might be a possible spiritual friend for you. If no one immediately comes to mind, ask God to help you find a person who can help you grow spiritually.
√ Take time to journal about what you might want and need in a spiritual friendship. List any of the questions you have in your faith journey or issues you face in your relationship with God.
√ Read about David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1-4; 23:15-18). How was theirs a spiritual friendship? Have you had any friendship that similarly encouraged you to know God better? Thank God for your spiritual friend in prayer each day this week.
√ Write down what qualities you think are most important in a spiritual friend. Then make an honest appraisal of yourself: In what ways could you be a good spiritual friend to someone else? Are there aspects of yourself that might need to change before you could open yourself to another's intimate journey with God?
√ Read and meditate on the story of Mary and Elizabeth each day this week. How is their spiritual friendship an example and a blessing for you?
This is one of forty-four life-forming practices from Soul Tending edited by Kenda Creasy Dean and Ron Foster, Nashville, TN, Abingdon Press, 2002. Reprinted with permission. Click here to buy the book.
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